Dear ideal reader suffering from an ideal insomnia,

As a reward for hanging in there and surviving through endless posts composed in my native pidgin, I hereby offer for your reading pleasure a fully (and lovingly) translated pdf version of my libel. It’s free. The first one’s always free. Enjoy.

Now you must promise to share it among your cultured acquaintances and potential patrons. I remain, as always, available for speaking engagements and teaching positions, ideally at prestigious venues well abroad. Operators are standing by: call now!